Fully Surrendered

I haven't written in a while.  There's been a lot of ups and a great deal of downs in my life.  If I took time to write all that God does for me or shows me in a day...I would burn up this blogging site.  

As my life unfolds in tiny, slow, bits of pain and beautiful ugly with a great mix of wonderful intimacy with Christ, I have realized that a life is not a life unless it is fully surrendered to God.  I have surrendered my life, my marriage, my husband, my family, my health, my skills, my finances, my everything to Him who is capable and willing to do what is best. 

I have told God that my life is for Him and that I want His will to be done.  What that looks like, I am uncertain except that "the plans are for good and not calamity" according to Jeremiah 29:11.  Whatever it looks like to live completely in God's will is  what I want my life to look like.   

As it stands-my marriage appears from a human viewpoint, to be over, my step kids act like I am a plague and the rest of my life is amazing.   I made the decision to move on and exit this marriage, leaving the unforgiving atmosphere of people that  seem to distant themselves from our Savior BUT God has made it clear that He has not told me to move.  Until God says move, this girl is staying in place.  He obviously has something huge planned for me.  I will not run ahead with my own plans.  

As I live out this messy life,  fully surrendered to Christ, I watch as God makes subtle moves using me in ways I never have thought He would.  Today I had a friend text me and say that testimony I gave during a women's Bible study brought a girl to a place of requesting prayer for her own life.  The friend continued with her seeing God using me in the lives of other women.  As they hear my story of broken, they begin to recognize their own need for Jesus.  

I challenge you tonight to fully surrender to God and watch His power flood your life and your circumstances.   The more you focus on Him, the less you focus on whatever life is handing out in hostility towards you.  When you seek His face...you find intimacy with Him that you could never realize without experiencing it for yourself.  I can tell you about what I've seen but until you see Him for yourself...life is just lifeless in comparison.  

God bless and prayers for you and your family! 

Unbroken

As I learn and grow closer towards Christ I have really begun to feel the grace that God offers.  I have watched as God has transformed by mind, heart, attitude and spirit.  I am a broken vessel that God can use to shine His light to people around me. He can take my mess ups and failures and use them for His glory. 

On many occasions I have wondered if I will ever completely be fit for God's awesome Kingdom. From a human perspective I would have to say no on so many levels.  But on the level that Christ she'd His pure, holy blood for me...I have complete certainty that I can absolutely be used. Because of His grace, and only by His grace, am I fit for the Kingdom. 

How many stories have you read in the Bible that spoke of a completely unbroken person that was used for God's glory?  I can't think of any but if there is any, they take up very little print.  They were all human, all had room for brokenness. No man, other than Jesus was without brokenness. 

All that to say this...if God only used perfect, unbroken people, He would not use any of us. In perfection there is no need for a Savior.  I am so glad I have a Savior that saved me from my brokenness but can also use it to draw me closer to Him and help others. 

I once had a friend give me a visual image of what this would look like.  Take a perfect clay pot without cracks and put a candle in it.  You can't see light through the sides.  Take a broken pot and put it back together and then place a light inside.  The light shows through the cracks and makes a beautiful scene.
God's light can shine through your cracks just like that.  Awesome!  

Pride

Have you ever avoided a place, a situation, a person because you were afraid they were going to judge you for something or think less of you?  I  have to say that I have never been one to avoid situations.  I have always faced it head on but with worry.  I sometimes find myself worrying about how I would handle the judgemental people in my life.

My dear friend, pride is the reason for the worry. We worry about what other people will say or think because we don't want them to see our weaknesses. It makes us very vulnerable.  Pride will keep us isolated and eventually destroy us. 

This is what God says about pride-"Pride goes before destruction, and haughtiness before a fall." Proverbs 16:18.  Pride means we think too highly of ourselves.  God expects us to be humble.  He k ows we will stumble. He expects us to use our weaknesses for His glory.  How can we show His redemptive power if we don't demonstrate how we've been redeemed?!?

God allows us to have weaknesses.  He allows us to make mistakes.  He allows for the stumbling.  It's not because He wants us to be viewed as less of a person, dirty or weak.  He wants us to be viewed as worthy because of Him.  Clean because of Him. Strong because of His strength.

The people that stand in judgement, the ones that you avoid...they are full of pride.  They are afraid of their weaknesses.  They point our mistakes and judge you for your weaknesses because it makes them feel better about themselves.  As they point out your flaws, they somehow think they are covering their's.

God wants us to love one another in spite of our flaws.  He hates pride because pride is when you think that you are better than others.  We NONE deserve anything.  We are NONE better than one another.  God expects us to learn from our weaknesses and teach others from them.  If we hide behind pride, we aren't doing what we are meant to do.

I have had pride that has caused me to stumble but have found it so much easier to be open with my brokenness in order to help others.  No, I don't believe you should do a tell all announcement of all of your weaknesses and stumbles but let the Holy Spirit guide you to telling those that need to hear.  Let Him use you to help others.

They did me wrong

The other day I sat and listened as someone made the statement that they trust someone they met at a bar more than the church people. He continued saying that the church people let you down and do you wrong.  What I heard played games with my heart because he had a point. Not a happy one-but a point.

From the world's view the people of the world can be trusted more.  They appear unflawed and have it all together.  FROM A WORLDLY STAND POINT.  If we look at them with honest God vision, we can see the brokenness that they hide behind the  alcohol and wall of self-preservation.

Here's the thing...worldly people that are not living for God won't cause you the upset in your life that Christians will.  Oh wow...did I just say that?!? Satan doesn't mess with them. He already has them where he wants them.  He doesn't see them as a threat to his plans.  If they aren't following the will of God, they won't further the Kingdom of God. The problem is...Satan doesn't want us in fellowship with God or each other through Christ.

Satan's goal is to tear down the church.  I don't mean the building, I am talking about the unity within the marriage of people to God through fellowship.   Why do you think so many marriages are failing? Just like regular husband-wife marriage, God expects us to be unified in Him.  The church should share the same unification within God's will. 

Satan is a number one killer of marriages and relationships within the church.  He will deceive people into all kinds of sin causing a strain on God's family.  Satan doesn't worry about the people that he knows are not a threat.  Now I am not saying that if you hang out at a bar you aren't a child of God-what I am saying is that if you are expecting church family to be perfect like the people you see covering their problems with alcohol, well, they aren't.  

The good thing about church family, we can be real with each other.  We know that Satan is the enemy and not each other.  Satan hates that! When we show our imperfection, we can give God the glory for redemption. 

We all hate sin.  We all hate when we hurt each other. (At least we should if we truly are in God's family) God can use the bad that Satan intended for His good.  He can bring us closer through the power of Holy Spirit forgiveness.

It's amazing the bond that forms when you truly forgive a member of your holy family. And on the otherside, it's an amazing feeling when the one you've hurt forgives you.  I have been on both sides of this and I find it transforming.

On the flip side, I have also been one to hide behind alcohol.  I have found myself, in the past, consoling a bottle of wine or a friend drinking with me. When alcohol covers the pain, it just numbs it.  It doesn't resolve ANYTHING! 

As a truly new creation in Christ, I have completely stopped drinking.  I do not judge or condemn you if you drink or hang out with the bar goers but I will say this...God is a healer of all broken.  He doesn't numb the pain, He heals it.  Heals!!!  The family of God is a support system for God.  They aren't perfect and most don't claim to be.  That's a big difference between trusting the world and trusting God. God can use our broken and flaws.  The world covers their's in a hope that you will only see perfection.  Yes, there are "church-goers" that hide behind walls in an attempt to cover their imperfections.   But...when the walls cone down its AMAZING!!!!

First, the people that cover their pain and broken with alcohol are running from their problems not to God.
 

It's True...smiling makes a difference

I have been reading a book titled "Created to Be His Help Meet".  In that book there is a section about how people, husband's specifically, find you more attractive when you are smiling and joyful. I found it very interesting, as I grow closer with God and have a strong desire to be the best wife EVER.

The book gives an example of an ugly hillbilly women to prove the point.  The writer says that the ugly hillbilly women is always smiling and being happy with customers of a store where she works.  She noticed that the women was always surrounded by multiple people that enjoyed her company.  The customers were attracted to her joy.  The writer's husband even called the woman cute. Her joy made her cute.

One day, the writer and her husband saw the same woman in the grocery store yelling at her kids.  She had, apparently, what I call mean mommy face. The writer's husband said that he had never seen that woman before. The writer explained that it was the "cute" woman from the store. Ha!

Well, last night my husband and I were watching "Along came a Spider".  Monica Potter is one of the main characters.  I commented that she was very pretty and had a cuteness about her.  She was a US Secret Service Agent.  She had a joyful innocence about her.  It made her glow.

Spoiler alert, the Monica Potter character becomes the bad guy at the end of the movie. I remember commenting to Paul that she was not pretty anymore.  I could jot find beauty in her.  When she became a bad, nasty, evil person, I couldn't find beauty in her. The writer's point was made.  I had never even thought of it. 

I guess my reason for all of this is to say this...glow with joy-put on a smile.  God would rather see you smile and be joyful.  Your husband, your friends, your enemies, all find you more attractive when you show joy.  You are loved and cared for by the Almighty.  What's not to be joyful about!?!

What's Different???

The other morning I was discussing with my husband that I would try and do better about being home more for dinner during the week.  Right now I have dinner at a girlfriend's house on Tuesdays and at church on Wednesdays.  It leaves him to arrange his own meals or I make and leave him something to eat alone at home two nights a week.  I find it a bit rude and selfish of me as a wife. 

As we were discussing it, he insists that I continue with my 2 dinners out a week.  He said to me, "It is apparently good for you."  When I asked him to explain what he meant,  he went on to say that I am more relaxed and laid back these days.  He finds that I am happier. Hahahahaha

After hearing what he had to say, I explained to him that it's not my time away from him, my time at church or time with friends...it's my time with Jesus that has changed me.
I continued to tell him how I have grown into a closer relationship with Christ and make more time for Him.  I have given the Lord all the "yuck" from my life and treat Him like He is the Everything that He is.

For much of my life I have tried to handle things on my own and kept God on a shelf for the big emergencies.  I called on Him when I needed Him and prayed to Him like He was just a God who lives in Heaven.  The Lord is NOT JUST AN ANYTHING!!!! The Lord is THE EVERYTHING!!!!

Once I stepped into the realization that He IS, I looked at Him as the "I AM."  I need a friend, God says "I Am." I need a husband, God says, "I Am." I need a father, a teacher, a doctor, a brother, a breath of fresh air, a provider, a counselor, a mighty shoulder to cry on...God says, "I AM."
(Tears want to flow with joy just thinking about this.)

Once you accept, believe and claim the idea-the truth-that God IS-life becomes so easy and free for abundantly peaceful living.  The friends and church are all good things provided by God to bring us happiness but God, ALONE, is enough. He has made me a different person. 

I feel like Psalm 23 sums it all up.  The 23rd Psalm is full of promises I live by.  Most people think of that passage of scripture as the beautiful serenity scripture read at a funeral.  Lol.  I live in it, claiming it for life. The Lord promises so much in those 6 verses.  He promises He will provide ALL I need, peace, strength, comfort, anointing and on and on. 

With scripture like the 23rd Psalm, why wouldn't I live in peace and in a place of easy going and relax? I have to wonder why I haven't claimed this before.  Why have I tried to conquer the world on my own when the One who created it all has said that He will do it for me. 

I pray that you fully surrender all to God so that you can experience the peace of living in Him. You will be a changed person with a changed outlook on life. I guarantee!!!!

Don't Rely on Egypt!

This morning the scripture I read was from Isaiah 31.  I read the entire chapter but verses 1 through 3 spoke deeply to my heart. They say, "Woe to those who go down to Egypt for help and who depend on horses! They trust in the abundance of chariots and in the large number of horsemen. They do not look to the Holy One of Israel and they do not seek the Lord ’s help. But He also is wise and brings disaster. He does not go back on what He says; He will rise up against the house of wicked men and against the allies of evildoers. Egyptians are men, not God; their horses are flesh, not spirit. When the Lord raises His hand to strike, the helper will stumble and the one who is helped will fall; both will perish together."

Throughout my marriage I have always looked to my husband for things I've needed.  Protection, food, money, enjoyment, emotional support, so on and so forth.  My husband has done the best he can to provide. I would say he did a pretty good job until we lived through a four month separation. 

During the four months, he still offered some financial support but the rest...that was for me to find on my own. Right?!? God says otherwise.   In fact, I believe that the separation was part of a weaning process for me.  God was trying to teach me to lean on Him for everything, not a human. 

God says that if we ask, He will give us what we need.  In the verses from Isaiah, God is making it clear that reaching for help from the wrong places will only bring us harm.  Humans can abandon us. God wants us to depend on Him for everything.  After all, He created us and everything else on the earth. I am pretty sure He knows what we need and when we need it.

Please don't misunderstand me.  My husband has always provided for me when I was living with him and when things were good by the grace and goodness of God's provision.  BUT...when I wanted to continue depending on him through the bad, God said to me that HE is my Provider.

God will teach us lessons and use bad situations to draw us closer to Him.  I feel, strongly, that part of the circumstance that I lived was to teach me to depend on God and not humans.  As much as I love my husband and know that he does the best he can to provide, I know that there is someone who provides better, without a separation period. 

God has blessed me with a forgiving and strong man for a husband.  I am grateful for that for sure.  I am grateful that God is molding and making him too.  We grow as we become grateful for things that we have always just taken for granted.  We grow as we realize that God is the Provider of EVERYTHING! Jehovah Jireh!  We grow when we give credit where credit is due.